I had a wonderful christmas and new year, probably one of the best in my lifetime. The reasons were obvious.. he travelled to Amsterdam to be with me. I was surrounded by wonderful friends. We had great celebration for our friend's 12th Marriage aniversary. It snowed and snowed and I think most importantly I could take an account of the year 2009 and i could start dreaming about 2010.
AS he said, everything I wished for almost always materializes and I agree with it completely. There is sudden dream in my mind and before I even realize it, the seed of the dream starts germinating, it develops tiny little wings and there I go.. wondering around the world... new dreams, new heights to scale, new places to be in, new friends to make and experience colours and sounds of life in its fullest.. the smell and the taste of olliebollen, the feeling of passing out with my magic brownie, the little sparkle in my eyes when the diamond ring smoothly makes it across my ring finger.. that is exactly the kind of ring I always dreamt about. How did he know that? how did he get the correct size? Was it just a smart guess or a meaninful event by the universe guiding me towards my future and bringing me closer to my life partner.. my angels and my crystal are really working magic, as my little room fills with magnificent energy.. my little green angels are trying to survive the harsh cold.. my jarberas are almost dehydrated and wilted as I put them in the balcony.. how could I be so cruel to them? the sunshine reflects through my window.. and the sky starts dislaying wonderful performance of colours.. the little rainbows start dancing happily on the green wall as my crystal moon reflects rays of light creating even more dreams...
the pink little home slippers that he moved around in.. the pink bag tucked on his shoulder.. he was not ashamed even in the fancy theater... but he was feeling cold.. did I make him feel warm enough? could he feel my heart beating for him? Could he feel my breadths going in a symphony as I surrendered myself to sleep goddess in his arms..did we really connect with each other while looking at the fireworks and were my words little too hard on him? But I am convinced he is the one and my heart started sinking as the day of his departure arrived. I could hide my tears and I started taking charge of the situation. the Alien Registration, the tram card with enough money, warm clothes and packed bags, the ticket and the passport.. all set.. but was I really set to say bye to him? I know it is only for a little while but it feels like a life time.. I am standing with him at the bus stop.. he is shivering with cold even through the layers of woolens.. the indicator on the building across the bus stop showed four degrees below zero.. and we could see the snow flakes coming down, making us more nostalgic than ever.. I have become very bold and I leaned against him. I did not stop myself for any fear or worries as I kissed him.. the warm kisses, the stolen little angels on his cheeks and lips.. what has happened to me? I kept saying to myself, it is the freedom that Amsterdam offers to us.. I wont dare to do it in Mumbai.. I have started saying 'my amsterdam' and 'Aamachi Mumbai' seems a little stranger to me.. that is where I get truely stuck.. what is happening to me? Why does Amsterdam make me feel so much at ease and peace? why I fear the everyday life struggles back in Mumbai.. why did i consciously and subconsciously often expressed my longings to be in Amsterdam for longer? loads of quetions and no answers yet..
the bus arrives right on time and we start towards airport.. we are sitting very close to each other looking out of the window.. the snow is coming down and the canals are frozen.. suddenly i reach out to his hand and i hold it tight... I could spend a lot of time with him in the airport.. the cafe in the gallary with the coffee.. I gulped down a big sandwich with the cheese.. I was amazed at myself.. that was a real big sandwich.. just 4 months ago, I hated dry sandwiches that Dutch make and there I was munching happily.. was I just trying to distract my mind.. we were overlooking the busy check-in counters.. people with loads of luggage walking briskly.. the relatives and the loved once bidding farewells with the eyes red with tears.. we could observe nice scarfs and head gears, nice bags and boots.. we talked about software that makes check-in process easier.. we talk and talk and try and overlook the clock in front which was hinting us that it was time to let him go... we were stealing our last moments together... he crossed the imigration and i waved at him.. i had to go back home.. the computer screen started tracking his flights all the way to Mumbai.. as if my mind was flying along with him. the phone calls across the continent assuring that everything is fine and soon he would be home.. to our mumbai.. the friends and family making every effort to help me feel better and i was really touched with all that affection and warmth.. as i said before I am the luckiest girl in the world..
He reached home this morning, the journey was quite uneventful and as I spoke with his dad in a sleepy groggy voice, my senses came alive as I heard a koyal calling out in the background.. it is only january. why is she harbingering the spring so soon? was she telling me that the spring of my life is around the corner and that the trees and plants are soon going to burst into riot of colours.. just like the seeds of my dreams germinating in this snow covered land...
I have a new dream.. a dream of a meaningful work opportunity soon after i graduate from my school.. new adventures, new journeys, new flights beyond the borders of INdia..
I am going global.. i am going to learn Arabic and I am going to travel far and wide..and I am humming a song that I heard on his ipod on the new years eve..' i have a dream'
