Yes, I am in Padova. It is more than three weeks now. The move from the Netherlands to Italy was not simple but I must say I am doing OK. I always wanted to visit Italy and here I am, not just visiting Italy but living in Italy, studying at one of the world's oldest University, surrounded by friends, blessed with loads of sunshine and cool breeze in the evening.
I do miss my friends in the Netherlands and Belgium a lot. I am not able to use Skype or VOIP as I would have liked to use. That makes it a bit harder. But I often write to them and they write me back. My school has started, in fact we finished the first module already. I have already visited two Italian Hospitals, the university hospital here and the other one in Vicenza. I must say there are some striking differences and similarities when it comes to hospitals in Italy and in India but that is not what I want to talk about.
Padova is a beautiful city, a student town to be honest. Heritage buildings, historic walkways, the paths paved with stones which make it impossible to wear high heels, the fashion boutiques sprawling all over the town, tiny bakeries and cafes, big open air fruit and vegetable market in the city square, the book shops and the print shops. We have all that we need to lead comfortable student life. The weather has been perfect, warm but not unbearable, evenings are particularly pleasant. I often go for long walks in the evening. The city has old buildings and monuments, particularly interesting is the heritage building of the university which boasts teachers like Galileo Galilee, Copernico, Harvey, Morgagni and Fallopio just to list a few. The world's first anatomical theater was built in this university and can be visited as a guided tour till date. The university also has the honor of having first woman graduate of the world, who graduated in Philosophy in 1672. I felt so proud to be part of this rich tradition and history. I am looking forward to my graduation which will take place in the Aula of the university on 29th June 2011. One more step completed, the question is, what do I want to do next?
I have already been to Rome, Venice and Verona. Each city has her own charm. It was relaxing and rejuvenating to connect with the history. I spent hours contemplating and reflecting on my life, my future, just watching the sky grow orange red with sunset, feeling the evening chill sitting on a bench under a tree, enjoyed the boat rides and also had pleasure of getting lost a bit in Rome. I have tried different flavors of Gelato, had all that I could amongst vegetarian options of pasta and pizza. I also tried to learn Italian a bit but was not very successful.
By now, you have noticed that I did everything but studies. That is true. Now the pressure is building up. The course work, the assignments, the thesis and searching for future options, all needs to go hand in hand. I cant neglect any of these activities. But to be honest, all I want to do is be lazy and do nothing. The joy of doing nothing. The problem is I can never do it without having guilt after that. The fear starts clouding again, so does the guilt. Why am I wasting time? I should have been working hard. Why do I not feel inspired at all? Why do I worry about July 2011 when I have still May and June to enjoy? Why can I not be assured that I will find my ways as I have always done before, whether it is a job opportunity or starting something on my own? Why do I always feel skeptical and pessimistic about what I can do?
I want to feel confident of my future. I want to enjoy life every single day irrespective of whether I am in Italy or in any other part of the world. I want to be happy without feeling guilty of these small pleasures of life. I do not want to constantly worry about my future, my family responsibility and my financial situation. I want to be free like a bird. But are birds really free? I dont know for sure. I think too much. Can I modulate my thoughts? Can I turn them into positive thoughts, one filled with hope and dreams without loosing the ground under my feet? Can I be myself, ready to take new challenges, exploring new horizons, trying things that I have never done before and eager to learn from each of these life experiences.
That is who I aspire to be but I dont know how to be that girl. Where do I begin? I often have more questions but may be questioning starts the process already... who knows, the time will tell what i make out of my life opportunities. I hope I make something meaningful and simple out of it.
