Well done Abba!!

Yet another fun day!! flirtatious sunshine and juicy lemon slices, cleaning the house and little bit of work but the best time of the day was the movie time with chocolate chip ice creme. I watched 'Well done Abba!', subtle comedy by no other than Shyam Benegal.

Armaan Ali, a middle aged common man speaking strong Andhra flavoured Hindi and working in Mumbai as a personal driver of a rich business fellow. Armaan Ali never went to school. On his return to the native village 'cheekatpalli' he finds himself in a bizzare situation. He realizes how all the schemes for the poor in the country are misused by the politicians and corrupt government machinary. With the help of his college going daughter Muskaan and using 'right to information act' he finds his voice and right as an ordinary citizen.

The movie is a political satire on corruption in Indian society. The humor of the script and the story line is such that anyone who has experienced this side of Indian life could easily relate to it. The movie also evoked the memories of yet another film, 'Khosla ka Ghosala' set in Delhi and surrounding areas and exposing the fake housing and land schemes. No wonder the movie won the national award for the best film on social issue for the year 2009. Boman Irani's Armaan Ali was indeed a performance to watch and he was very well supported by all the other actors. The music of the movie slowly grows on you. Comedy can be effective tool to make the viewers reflect on how we all are responsible for the corruption. I think the movie delivers this message quite successfully. But what I enjoyed the most is that strong Andhra falour in the dialogues, it took me back to those days when I travelled into the interiors of Andhra for work, visiting clinics and talking to men and women. The word garu is so familiar, a respectful way of addressing someone like an elder brother and amma, similar way of addressing the women. My male colleagues were always addressed with their name followed by garu but I don't remember, I being called Priyamma.

It was a fun movie and I would definitely recommend it to those who appreciate and enjoy cinema. I wish one day, I can use film to express myself, may be simple but still powerful like the one I just watched. Yet another dream to my already long list of things on the bucket list.. here is the link for the movie for those who are interested.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Well_Done_Abba

Have a lovely week ahead!! I am off to Nijmegen, the city that I left three months ago and I am looking forward to it. More stories from my side on Tuesday.. till then have fun and keep smiling...

Have you seen a blue butterfly recently?

I am finding joy in little things around me and I am slowly getting drawn into it. What did I do all day today? Well lingered in the bed reading a book. Title of the book: 'My mother my self'. One of the seminal books on mother daughter relationship written in the 70s arguing for the need of separation at a psychological level between the mother and the daughter for the woman to fully realize her own unique personality. I am not sure what exactly I feel about the book, even difficult to say what I agree with and what I disagree. One thing is for sure though, many parts of the book, and particularly narratives of women remind me and make me reflect on my own life story and my relationship with my mother. I fell asleep while reading the book at 11am in my cozy and comfortable bed. That was fun.

The sun did not show up all day today and I knew it would rain in the evening. I have been feeling lazy to go out. I wanted to get some nice green chilies and fresh curry leaves from a Turkish store in the city center. He gets these 'typical' Indian things from London and he gets fresh stock on Friday late evening. I love the flavor and aroma of fresh curry leaves in my cooking and how can I make Kanda pohe without those little green chilies and freshly grated coconut. Food always motivates me and I biked to the city center this afternoon to get my coveted ingredients.It was totally worth it for two reasons. First I could locate the shop without any troubles and map was not needed. My memory and the little area in the brain which helps us with directions was functional 200% this afternoon. I felt so proud of myself. Second, how can I not feel happy to hold those fresh curry leaves on their twigs in my hand. They are my prized possession, worth of diamonds in some ways. Gosh, I will use fresh curry leaves after almost five months. I am so excited for all the upcoming cooking. I remembered my excitement in London in May this year when I was strolling around in predominantly Indian area. It felt as if I was walking in Mumbai. No wonder they call it 'little India'. I came home and first made sure that my little green diamonds were stored safely so that I can retain their freshness and use it in upcoming weeks. My dinner this evening had extra taste of all the spices and the house still smells of the same.

I have been wondering about little things that could make me happy. For example a blue butterfly. Have you seen one recently? I came across a visualization exercise and I have been wondering what would I like to come across? the little things.. For a while, I was confused. I could not pick up one thing.. rainbow.. yes I would love to see a rainbow. may be even a double rainbow! Did you know that the second rainbow is much faint and its color spectrum is in the reverse direction as compared to the primary rainbow? I learned it this afternoon, while googling double rainbow. I would like to see a butterfly, a blue one in particular. I love butterflies, their colors, their delicate wings, their fondness of sunshine.. I love it all. If I ever get a tattoo, I think it will be a butterfly. But it is unlikely that I would get a tattoo made. I also thought about a unique pendant, may be shaped like a butterfly? and then all I could think about was food. I could visualize kanda bhajji, pav bhaji, chole bhature, bhendi masala, gulab jamuns, thalipeeth and so many things.. I got totally distracted and started feeling hungry.. I had to consciously bring my mind back to the blue butterfly... one day soon I am sure, I will come across one. I have no doubt about it...

is there something that you want to come across?

Out of dormancy

I am back with a new post exactly after a month. It was a month of yet another transition from the active student life to a life of conscious summer break of two months. I thought taking a break was easy but it was not. It was my own mind and anxieties about what my future will hold made it difficult than anything else. I moved from beautiful, warm and friendly Italy to stunning, comfortable, windy and rainy Groningen in the north of the Netherlands. My dear friend who is hosting my stay for two months did so many things to make my life comfortable before she left for a three week road trip to Norway. So finally after years of living in small rented apartments in the cities that I worked in or living in tiny student apartments in Amsterdam, Leuven, Nijmegen and Padova, I find myself in this comfortable, two storied Dutch house. It was a big change to get used to all the space and privacy I have, the fully equipped kitchen that I could cook in, my favorite gas flame stove and slowly the feeling sank in. I was in 'my' temporary home, getting used to it and the home getting used to me.

Over time, I understood the details of everyday life, the grocery stores, fresh fruits and vegetable markets, the garbage disposal system and I must say people around here are very friendly. I stand in my balcony and talk to my neighbor, i waved a hello at another neighbor across the street, I bike around, sometimes getting lost but sometimes finding my way without any troubles. The days have been mostly windy, rainy and dark but I needed some time to hibernate like a frog. I cooked my Indian food, ate as much I liked and slept for hours, sometimes 10 hours at night and couple of hours in the afternoon. It felt as if my body was physically tired and needed some rest. I watched movies with a tub of ice-creme in my hand. I always dreamt of this kind of relaxed life, where you are alone, you have friends around if you feel like going out but it is also perfectly ok if you dont want to. Wake up at your own times, have your lunch at 3pm if you like. You are not answerable to anyone and you have no deadlines. In short, I have been dormant, lazy, far from work and productivity. Ohh there was one task I was actively doing, understanding the needs of different plants indoors and outdoors. I am taking care of her greens and I must say i freak out at the prospect of little ones giving up their life under my care. My initial days caring for them were hard, almost like a new mother, I would worry if I see slightest sign of leaves drooping. But now I think I have figured it out, they are doing great and I am trying to do the same.

But it was still hard to accept that I had consciously chosen not to do anything for two months. Why do I think taking absolutely necessary rest is not doing anything? That is a different question. But I am an obsessive worker and a person who always worries about the future. I cant sit still and I cant relax even on a five star Cruise liner. I am like a scared little mouse running around trying to figure out an escape but I often ask myself what is it that I am trying to find escape from? Well, I have been actively thinking about it in these days. What is it that I am running away from? I am running away from my fear, anxiety and worries about the future. I am running away from myself who has immense self doubt and low self esteem even though people I am with never notice that. I am running away from my present and my future. In fact I am running away from my own life. Why? that is even bigger question, I cant even put a finger on that. May be because of previous experiences in childhood and adult life. I don't know. May be because I am afraid of failure, any sort, but mostly the failures in personal life, as being a daughter, sister, a partner and so on. I am not so good in these relationships, I tend to keep myself as far away from these commitments and responsibilities as I can but I worry about these all the time. I think I am also too critical of myself. I hardly appreciate my own life and things I could make out of it. But ask me to list some shortcomings, I bet that would be a long one. I procrastinate that I can be happy when all my financial needs are taken care of and that I have a smooth life to sail in. But who has such a smooth life anyways. For example for last fifteen days, I was almost tearing myself down with the realization that with three masters degrees and numerous awards and honors under my belt, with six years of substantial work experience, I am without a job right now. I killed myself by thinking about it over and over again. But did I not take this break consciously because I felt the need to slow down and take some time off for myself? Why such blame on myself then? Why cant I just enjoy the break that I have taken without worrying about where life might take me in September. It all makes sense at rational intellectual level but I must admit, I have not been much of a fun person and a sport in last two weeks that I am living in the Netherlands. I have felt depressed and sad and I have also shed some tears on the matter.

But then I made a decision, to consciously try and enjoy every moment as it comes. To work at being happy. To do things that I have not done before and I could do while I am here. So that I can look back at these remaining six weeks and say, 'ohhh boy that was such a fun time in my life. I am glad I did that'. So what are the plans? First plan is to start taking care of myself, I am starting with my feet, most neglected part of my body. Soaking them, moisturizing them and taking care of them, the feet that I stand on and the feet that take me all around the world. I want to see them beautifully transformed when I step into my dance shoes in tango salon with my friends in two weeks time. I plan to read a book while soaking in a bubble bath as I have seen in numerous Hollywood films. I want to start physical training and running if the rain stops a bit. I have already started my yoga practice and must say that my body already feels better in terms of flexibility and muscle tone. We are going to sail end of this month and I have never sailed before in my life. I am immersed in real Dutch life here, no more as a student of international program. I want to start taking some basic Dutch lessons in coming weeks. Last and the most important is that I am going to work with my friend in building her house, the wood, the electric fitting, the painting and fitting toilet accessories and plumbing lines. I am most excited about this aspect of my life. Gosh, I have never done anything with my hands except some surgeries, some cooking and eating. Most of my work has been with my head. But I cant wait to put on oldest of clothes and get stained in color and covered with the dirt and make mistakes and disasters while being an apprentice with my friend and her father. I can almost see myself, tired and sweaty with all that physical work but at the end of it, admiring my own little piece of art, one ply of wood that I could cut properly, a small patch of the wall that I could paint beautifully, the little towel holding rings that I could fix on the wall.. that will be awesome. I am not good at sitting still and relaxing. I think only way I could relax is by doing different things, the things that I have not done before and fortunately in this world there are more things that I have not done than the things that I have done.. which means I will have ample time to relax.