Friday, March 11, 2011

Vulnerability of life

I spent whole day being glued to BBC trying to follow the news from Japan. I have no words to express what I feel about the devastation the earthquake and the tsunami has caused. I felt totally helpless, engulfed in grief and sorrow. I am far from it and I am safe but still the images were so powerful that I felt terribly sad and depressed all through the day.

an earthquake lasting for few minutes has caused such devastation, has changed the life of many beyond recognition. The realization of impermanence of life hit me real hard. Why do I give so much of importance to the things that are not at all important. Why do I make such a fuss about my personal sorrows and set backs. Why do I hold the anger in my mind about some people even though the event has occurred years ago? Why do I fail to let go? I felt ashamed of myself for having remained stuck with insignificant things for so long and in the process having lost the sight of what is most crucial in life. I have always over analyzed my past and excessively worried about my future. But I have never expressed my gratitude for the present moment that I am alive, for my loving mother and my brother, for my supportive friends, for the opportunities that have opened up in front of me and for the possibilities that life has created for me. Today's disaster was a big slap on my face, a wake up call to tell me not to remain tangled in things that do not matter.

I want to live fully in today. I want to forgive all those who have hurt me and need to be forgiven by those hurt by me. I want to forgive myself for being so stupid and ignorant most of my life. I want to reach out to all those around me who need me, in more than one ways possible. I want to live this moment without drifting into the past or the future. I do not want to live everyday in the shadow of my past and ghosts in my life that are unresolved. I want to be me and I want to accept and love myself just the way I am. I want to be open to life, I want to live life as if this is the last day of my life so that I can die happily and in peace.

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