The title of the blog describes more or less my day today. A friend of mine yesterday explained to me some basic facts about sleep hygiene and I decided to follow her suggestions. For last year or more, I have been having great troubles in getting six to eight hours of good night sleep. I have been dreaming a lot and these dreams I clearly remember on waking up . 80% of these dreams are scary, dark and disturbing. I wake up in the morning feeling exhausted. With the help of my friend, I am trying to work on this. I think this one year is dedicated to address my long standing problems, for example the problem of sleep, feeling low and depressed or feeling restless and unsatisfied with myself. I went to bed after midnight and was very tired to wake up this morning, really did not feel like getting up.
The temperatures today were expected to drop to 4 or 5 degree C. I was already thinking about it. Do I have enough warm clothes? Would I be ok? That is my another problem. I worry too much about everything under the sun. I was not even sure what I am going to make for breakfast. I like to have a good healthy breakfast but it has not happened yet. Either I do not have the appetite or I am too tired to cook something early in the morning. I left home without breakfast. It was not that cold outside. I had expected worse. I had to pick up my rental contract from the housing office and the lady there was really kind to get me the documents immediately. I needed it this afternoon to open the bank account. While talking to the lady at the housing department, I asked her about Zen meditation center in University Parisch. It is interesting that only when I have lost my physical and mental health completely that I am thinking of restoring it through every possible means. It is regular exercise, healthier food, regularized sleep cycles and off course meditation to calm my mind down. I am not one of those who gets hyper about something just transiently. Once I take something on my mind, I follow it up relentlessly. I spent time googling about zen meditation center last evening, only to find out that there is a center at 2 minutes walk from my house but then I noticed that this information was last updated in 1992. To be honest, I did not have any hope that this information would still be valid and that I could get in touch with the concerned person. But sometimes things happen when you do not expect them to happen so easily. The lady at the housing was kind to search it for me on the university page. She had to struggle a bit but there she was and she did find a small article with the contact details of the lady that she knew for sure as resident of my area. The phone call was made and the two ladies spoke to each other in Dutch about this new Indian student who wants to be part of meditation group. I was overwhelmed with that gesture. I really did not expect it to be so easy. The elderly lady who is practicing meditation agreed to meet me this evening so that she could orient me a bit before actual meditation hour tomorrow evening.Was I dreaming with open eyes. It turns out that the person whose contact details I had found in web update of 1992 is still actively involved in this meditation center and I will be meeting him tomorrow. In my excitement I forgot to inquire if the old lady speaks English and as it turned out, she could not. So we had this great interaction of 15 minutes this evening when we could not speak or understand each others language and she was trying to get across the techniques of meditation. I just loved the old woman, she looked so calm and relaxed. Had a lovely warm smile, she would speak endless in dutch, followed by 'I am sorry I cant speak English'. I kept saying 'Go on,Do not worry, I am trying to understand what you are saying'. I was just looking at the lady, trying to absorb her into me. I never have had opportunity to be with my grandparents. I wonder how it feels to have a loving grandmother in whose arms I could be myself. I could cry my heart out, i could be comforted. I was almost tempted to give this lady a big hug but then stopped myself thinking it may not be culturally appropriate. I really want to grow into a happy, accomplished old woman, a loving grandmother who could be friends with her grand children. Who is not deterred by her chronological age as she has this almost child like enthusiasm to absorb and live life, experience new things and laugh at herself. That is the kind of woman I want to be, who wont repent on her death bed thinking she should have followed her dreams and small desires, whether it was to visit arctic region to see the Arora Borealis or to gulp a big chocolate pastry.
Well, these two ladies made my day today. The theoretical discussion was interesting but i am still struggling to understand what is theology and what is virtue? what do we mean when we talk about morality? I know there are no easy and quick answers to any of those questions and I will slowly have to answer them for myself. On my way home, to celebrate my happiness, I ate a scoop of chocolate ice creme.
Its time to go to bed. I have not done my readings for tomorrow but I am feeling tired. Good Night world (well at least part of the world which is suppose to surrender itself to the peaceful world of sleep goddess)
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