I remember little rituals I used to perform in the childhood on this particular day. We worship the goddess of knowledge and this is considered an auspicious day to start the schooling for a child. I used to arrange by book shelfs very carefully around this time and pray for knowledge and wisdom. Interestingly it is also a day that we worship weapons. There are mythological stories behind all this. I cant forget walking into the anatomy dissection hall in medical school, the day before Dashehara where our instructor had spread out all the small weapons, surgical tools that we use to dissect the bodies on a clean table amongst the bodies. There were flowers and there we had a small worship. We were told that these instruments are going to be our weapons (I would prefer the word tools over the weapons) to reduce the pain and the suffering of our patients and we had to pray to them asking for wisdom to use these rationally and wisely. It was not an exact place I would have expected to have this kind of Pooja. Anatomy dissection hall gives a very different feeling of dispair and emptiness of human life, though one could also feel very humble and grateful towards life and the beautiful synchronization of body and mind when we are alive. One could feel futility of things that we give undue importance to, while being alive as all that we should be caring about is already there in a functional live body. Anyways.. lot of these memories were triggered about the day, while explaining the significance of the day and some of these rituals to my anthropology professor. Though we ended the discussions soon, the thoughts lingered on.
One aspect of the celebration this day is an event called 'Seemolanghan' Seema is limit or confines and langhan is a verb which means 'to cross' or, 'to stretch beyond'. This was more valid in old days where each village had its own limits clearly defined structurally. On this particular day people were encouraged to cross the limits of the village, their little cosmos. We are talking about the world, when each village was self sufficient, when there were no means of transport or telecommunication. Most life used to unfold within the confines of the place where you are born. But it was known that getting out of your comfort zone, exposing yourself to world beyond what you have created around you could bring about potential growth. When not taken in literal sense it could also mean crossing your own limits, not in terms of physical or geographical space but the limits that we create upon ourselves. The borders or confines that restrict us, it could be due to your gender, your culture or just your own thinking process.
When I look at my life, the limits were not imposed on me from outside. Even being a woman which could have restricted my opportunities, never really affected my life. But what limited me the most was my own pessimistic attitude towards life, my own nature to worry excessively about the future or to mule too much over the past. It is me who limited my potential to grow as a person and a professional. So if I have to stretch my limits or cross my borders, it has to be the confines imposed by my 'very being' on myself. I need to change my thought process. I need to learn from my past and live for the present without getting stressed about future which is unclear and unformed. It is me who has made myself who I am, this sad, depressed woman who has lost faith in life and in goodness in general. I don't see the reason strong enough to justify my negative outlook towards life, I have ample opportunities, brilliant support of family and friends, great teachers and a healthy body. I should not be complaining at all as I have more than what I could have asked for. But it has become a habit to think negative, to worry and I have internalized it in the name of being practical and grounded. I am not talking about being wishful but at the same time I don't always need to think about problems.
So here I am, after a stupidly simple and tasteless dinner on this festival when most Indian families had an excellent feast. I am determined to cross my limits not just on one particular day in a year but slowly and steadily every day, making a slow but definite change in my thinking process, life situation and hence on the situation of others who are closely related to me. I want to believe in myself and believe in my dreams once again and take a leap of faith at life, in life for living my life my way.
Warm greetings for Dashehra to all of you...
1 comment:
Very Nicely written! Wishing you luck on all your endeavours
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