Not so long ago, Murali suggested a book to read. I was a second year medical student, struggling to find my place in the medical school system, feeling lost most of the time. The book was ‘Totto-Chan: The Little Girl at the Window’ by Tetsuko Kuroyanagi. Murali was one of those rare teachers who always told his students not to be afraid of being ‘weird’ or not fitting in the system. He himself as a faculty never made a good ‘Fit’ in the system. But for me, he was always an inspiration. His office was a place for me to find some peace and be comfortable with myself.Totto-Chan is this little girl in Japan, someone who is quite a rebel for her age and gender. She was expelled from the school at the age of five and that explains a lot. The reasons for her expulsion were her ‘strange’ questions to the teachers that the teachers could not answer or felt that they need not be answered. One teacher complained that sitting in the classroom, she was talking to a little bird sitting on the window which disturbed the entire class. The girl really did not care about being expelled from the school, probably she did not even understand what it meant but her mother must have gone nuts. The story of Totto- Chan absorbs the reader completely. I think each one of us, at least in parts finds his or her own self in this little girl, those facets of our personality which we had to burry deep down somewhere in the name of growing ‘up’ and becoming mature person. Though they say it is a book for children, I feel, it is equally enlightening for the adults to understand a child’s world. I fell in love with Totto-Chan and her new teacher Mr. Kobayashi and a beautiful relation of friendship shared by this master and the pupil; the relationship that shaped the life of Totto-Chan and many ‘difficult’ students like her.
I have been blessed with many such teachers in every walk of my life. I was not typically labeled as a ‘trouble’ child but I was always very shy, low in self esteem and confidence, unable to speak in the class or make friends. My inability to make friends got better only in my mid-twenties. One might argue how can you be friends with your teacher? I understand the argument but really I can’t explain my relationship with these teachers. At some point in time, I stopped analyzing it and just was happy that I had them in my life. They stood by me in thick and thin times; they made me believe in my capacities. When I was too weak to take a step, they pushed me hard but they were right there by my side to keep me out of danger. I was protected in every sense. I would not have reached so far without these wonderful souls and their trust in me and all the encouragement they have provided me with over years.
Sitting here in my apartment in Begijnhof, I took a lot of pictures yesterday through the window which is right opposite my study table. It is a beautiful, large window and I was composing different frames with the sky, the clouds and the trees. I realized it is not only a window in physical sense, but it is also a window to my life which opens out to a larger world view. I was intrigued by this window and its meaning and function in my everyday life. The window that brings in sunlight, the window that lets the breeze in, the window which helps you see the changing colors of autumn, the window which gives you glimpse of a moonlit night. As long as I remember, my study table was always by the window and it always faces some trees. I have spent innumerable hours looking out of the window, watching the birds building nests or squirrels running around. In Mumbai, sitting by the window on a rainy day is an experience in itself and the way those water drops trickle down and form small streams on glass windows is a piece of art in its own ways. I have made multiple trips on Mumbai-Poona route by train during monsoons just to explore the green celebration throughout the mountain ranges of Sahyadri. All I needed to feel a high was a seat by the window in ordinary train compartment and a cup of coffee. Small pleasures of life! I am someone who always wants to get a window seat on a flight and my moment of happiness is watching the transition from the night into dawn on the horizon from the sky where you see the blue sky with the stars and the east slowly breaking out into orange red colors of dawn simultaneously, in one single frame. I stay awake just to experience that majestic play of the dark and light. Windows and faces popping out of the windows always have a story to tell and I am someone who is extremely intrigued by these stories. The only constraint is that I may not always have a chance to understand the story.
My window in Sawar looked over to a solitary tall tree, I always felt he was as lonely as I was but we both kept company to each other and we were happy in our new found comfort zone with each other. I fell asleep every night looking at the same tree and I woke up to see it standing patiently right there as if waiting for me to wake up. We had our silent ways of communication with each other. Looking at that tree, I always thought about the story of the last leaf, where the painter died after painting the last leaf on the wall in such a way to create an illusion that the plant was still alive with its last leaf on. It gave hope of life to this ailing girl on the other side of the window. Isn’t that a famous story? My window in Meer en Vaart, it not only gave a view from above (I was on the fourth floor, the highest level I have lived up till now), but it allowed me to enjoy a feast of colors in the sky every evening. I have hundreds of pictures of sky at the dusk in Amsterdam. My classroom in AMMA gave me a view of the canal and swans floating majestically and just a few blocks away were the other ‘famous’ windows of Amsterdam. Now my world is through this window of Begijnhof and the window gives me a reason to smile each day. She makes me feel like Totto-chan, she reminds me to be a Totto –Chan in my own ways, not being afraid and inhibited, a woman not afraid of dreaming and not giving up in her efforts to make those dreams a reality. A woman who accepts herself with all her strengths and weaknesses and a woman who is not concerned about what the world has to say about her. So this one is dedicated for Totto-Chan in me and my window to the world..
I have been blessed with many such teachers in every walk of my life. I was not typically labeled as a ‘trouble’ child but I was always very shy, low in self esteem and confidence, unable to speak in the class or make friends. My inability to make friends got better only in my mid-twenties. One might argue how can you be friends with your teacher? I understand the argument but really I can’t explain my relationship with these teachers. At some point in time, I stopped analyzing it and just was happy that I had them in my life. They stood by me in thick and thin times; they made me believe in my capacities. When I was too weak to take a step, they pushed me hard but they were right there by my side to keep me out of danger. I was protected in every sense. I would not have reached so far without these wonderful souls and their trust in me and all the encouragement they have provided me with over years.
Sitting here in my apartment in Begijnhof, I took a lot of pictures yesterday through the window which is right opposite my study table. It is a beautiful, large window and I was composing different frames with the sky, the clouds and the trees. I realized it is not only a window in physical sense, but it is also a window to my life which opens out to a larger world view. I was intrigued by this window and its meaning and function in my everyday life. The window that brings in sunlight, the window that lets the breeze in, the window which helps you see the changing colors of autumn, the window which gives you glimpse of a moonlit night. As long as I remember, my study table was always by the window and it always faces some trees. I have spent innumerable hours looking out of the window, watching the birds building nests or squirrels running around. In Mumbai, sitting by the window on a rainy day is an experience in itself and the way those water drops trickle down and form small streams on glass windows is a piece of art in its own ways. I have made multiple trips on Mumbai-Poona route by train during monsoons just to explore the green celebration throughout the mountain ranges of Sahyadri. All I needed to feel a high was a seat by the window in ordinary train compartment and a cup of coffee. Small pleasures of life! I am someone who always wants to get a window seat on a flight and my moment of happiness is watching the transition from the night into dawn on the horizon from the sky where you see the blue sky with the stars and the east slowly breaking out into orange red colors of dawn simultaneously, in one single frame. I stay awake just to experience that majestic play of the dark and light. Windows and faces popping out of the windows always have a story to tell and I am someone who is extremely intrigued by these stories. The only constraint is that I may not always have a chance to understand the story.
My window in Sawar looked over to a solitary tall tree, I always felt he was as lonely as I was but we both kept company to each other and we were happy in our new found comfort zone with each other. I fell asleep every night looking at the same tree and I woke up to see it standing patiently right there as if waiting for me to wake up. We had our silent ways of communication with each other. Looking at that tree, I always thought about the story of the last leaf, where the painter died after painting the last leaf on the wall in such a way to create an illusion that the plant was still alive with its last leaf on. It gave hope of life to this ailing girl on the other side of the window. Isn’t that a famous story? My window in Meer en Vaart, it not only gave a view from above (I was on the fourth floor, the highest level I have lived up till now), but it allowed me to enjoy a feast of colors in the sky every evening. I have hundreds of pictures of sky at the dusk in Amsterdam. My classroom in AMMA gave me a view of the canal and swans floating majestically and just a few blocks away were the other ‘famous’ windows of Amsterdam. Now my world is through this window of Begijnhof and the window gives me a reason to smile each day. She makes me feel like Totto-chan, she reminds me to be a Totto –Chan in my own ways, not being afraid and inhibited, a woman not afraid of dreaming and not giving up in her efforts to make those dreams a reality. A woman who accepts herself with all her strengths and weaknesses and a woman who is not concerned about what the world has to say about her. So this one is dedicated for Totto-Chan in me and my window to the world..
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