Today I want to write about K & L. Trust me. I am not making up random alphabets. These are real ladies and to protect their identity, I have to use their initials. It is just a coincidence that these two seem to follow an alphabetical order.
I have not met either K or L in person. But for last 10 days, I have been following their performance. They are pilots and they were competing with 34 other men. It is quite sad that in this sport event, there are so few women. But I truly believe that both these ladies actually shined through the contest for their skills, technique and sportsman spirit. It is not always the number that matters but what one brings on board that puts them a class apart.
Apart from the fact that, these ladies rule the sky in their own ways, I am also fascinated by their passion for flying. They are my inspiration and role models. I always wanted to fly but somehow it never felt possible. It was one of those million dreams and desires in my non-ending bucket list. So watching their performance each day in some ways was fueling my dormant dreams. Though, I have nothing in common with them, I still felt strongly connected with them. I am proud of these two. What was even more inspiring for me was the sportsman spirit K demonstrated.
I know one thing about myself. When I set a goal, I want to give it my very best. I think this personality trait also makes me a bit competitive, performance focussed. May be, this is the outcome of having survived through cut throat competition in professional life in India. There was no room for being second or making mistakes as I knew there were thousand others who would then walk over me. I am not criticizing that competition nor do I want to discuss it here but I want to acknowledge that somehow I forgot to enjoy what I was doing in pursuit of being perfect. I have had successful professional life in many different parameters but I still feel that I am not good enough and I really hate that about myself. I have difficulty to cope with disappointments or failures. And by failures, I mean being 3rd instead of 1st or having made few mistakes that probably no one but myself had noticed or registered. It is getting better with age and through conscious work on myself but I still feel that tension, that stress. There are moments when I am engulfed with fear that I may not graduate on time and that my published papers wont be good enough. I set the bar of expectation for myself very high even though it is not needed. I ask myself why do I do this and how can I change?
K could have been the overall champion yesterday if her last flight would not have a technical problem. This is what I have been told. I imagined myself in her place. I would have been so disappointed and angry at myself even though I knew what happened was beyond my control. I would have been visibly sad and overcritical of myself. But what I heard about yesterday was the stride in which she carried herself, how she seemed to have dealt with disappointment that no one could notice it. I mean, it is natural to feel disappointed and may be she was and she is. But I think what I learned from her example yesterday is that there is another way of dealing with minor set backs in life as long as you believe in yourself and you truly enjoy what you do. The parameter of success is tailored to your needs. It is not the medals, publications or championship titles but the process you went through, the joy you experienced, the inspiration you felt and the dreams that you keep alive. Wowww K, what a precious contribution of reflection you made in my life. Thank you..
So how does this translate in my case? To graduate, I have to publish three good quality academic papers in relevant journals in next 13 months. Following what system demands out of me, I could strive to go for high impact factor journals (external parameters of success) and focus all my efforts and energy on achieving that goal. Or I could focus on quality of my work, fully engage in my data analysis, enjoy many good and bad experiences I have had in this educational adventure, take this as an opportunity to learn how to write good papers and most importantly take good care of my physical and emotional well being. I may not get 'summa cum laude' that I am generally habituated to, but I can still successfully complete my project, learn essential skills and walk further on my academic path. I want to take the later path.
And as usual, I have to dangle a carrot in front of myself to stay focussed and persistent. I promise myself flying lessons as a present for successful graduation.. that sounds fun.. may be one day P will join K, L, M, N, O.. whoever.. and have fun up in the sky for sake of pure joy...
I have not met either K or L in person. But for last 10 days, I have been following their performance. They are pilots and they were competing with 34 other men. It is quite sad that in this sport event, there are so few women. But I truly believe that both these ladies actually shined through the contest for their skills, technique and sportsman spirit. It is not always the number that matters but what one brings on board that puts them a class apart.
Apart from the fact that, these ladies rule the sky in their own ways, I am also fascinated by their passion for flying. They are my inspiration and role models. I always wanted to fly but somehow it never felt possible. It was one of those million dreams and desires in my non-ending bucket list. So watching their performance each day in some ways was fueling my dormant dreams. Though, I have nothing in common with them, I still felt strongly connected with them. I am proud of these two. What was even more inspiring for me was the sportsman spirit K demonstrated.
I know one thing about myself. When I set a goal, I want to give it my very best. I think this personality trait also makes me a bit competitive, performance focussed. May be, this is the outcome of having survived through cut throat competition in professional life in India. There was no room for being second or making mistakes as I knew there were thousand others who would then walk over me. I am not criticizing that competition nor do I want to discuss it here but I want to acknowledge that somehow I forgot to enjoy what I was doing in pursuit of being perfect. I have had successful professional life in many different parameters but I still feel that I am not good enough and I really hate that about myself. I have difficulty to cope with disappointments or failures. And by failures, I mean being 3rd instead of 1st or having made few mistakes that probably no one but myself had noticed or registered. It is getting better with age and through conscious work on myself but I still feel that tension, that stress. There are moments when I am engulfed with fear that I may not graduate on time and that my published papers wont be good enough. I set the bar of expectation for myself very high even though it is not needed. I ask myself why do I do this and how can I change?
K could have been the overall champion yesterday if her last flight would not have a technical problem. This is what I have been told. I imagined myself in her place. I would have been so disappointed and angry at myself even though I knew what happened was beyond my control. I would have been visibly sad and overcritical of myself. But what I heard about yesterday was the stride in which she carried herself, how she seemed to have dealt with disappointment that no one could notice it. I mean, it is natural to feel disappointed and may be she was and she is. But I think what I learned from her example yesterday is that there is another way of dealing with minor set backs in life as long as you believe in yourself and you truly enjoy what you do. The parameter of success is tailored to your needs. It is not the medals, publications or championship titles but the process you went through, the joy you experienced, the inspiration you felt and the dreams that you keep alive. Wowww K, what a precious contribution of reflection you made in my life. Thank you..
So how does this translate in my case? To graduate, I have to publish three good quality academic papers in relevant journals in next 13 months. Following what system demands out of me, I could strive to go for high impact factor journals (external parameters of success) and focus all my efforts and energy on achieving that goal. Or I could focus on quality of my work, fully engage in my data analysis, enjoy many good and bad experiences I have had in this educational adventure, take this as an opportunity to learn how to write good papers and most importantly take good care of my physical and emotional well being. I may not get 'summa cum laude' that I am generally habituated to, but I can still successfully complete my project, learn essential skills and walk further on my academic path. I want to take the later path.
And as usual, I have to dangle a carrot in front of myself to stay focussed and persistent. I promise myself flying lessons as a present for successful graduation.. that sounds fun.. may be one day P will join K, L, M, N, O.. whoever.. and have fun up in the sky for sake of pure joy...
